Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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