oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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