i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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