you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
