i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
