I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
