I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
4 words: hood of his car
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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