1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
