i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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