Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
