sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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