If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
