Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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