Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
