It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
