sarcasm needs its own font
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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