No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
