it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
