My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
