I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
