Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
