Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
