I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
