i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
