My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All the doctor said was why
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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