I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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