she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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