New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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