She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
