so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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