my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
