Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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