I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
