She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
