I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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