You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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