is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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