You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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