The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
