I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
