I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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