I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
