I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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