If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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