Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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