hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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