I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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