you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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