you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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