Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
