your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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