She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
