My friends, they love my intelligence
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
is it fun? or sober?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
