hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
