So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
