ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
