His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
