That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
