Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
