New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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