yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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