I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
