So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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