Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
