i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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