Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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