if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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