How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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