I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
