end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
