i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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