i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're too hungover to prance.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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