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great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
