only if we run a train.
done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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