Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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