Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
