Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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